It has been awhile I know since I have written a post. Don't really know what the reasoning for that is, either way I'm back! Feeling much more at home now in Colorado. My apartment in LA is officially no longer mine and that was the last thing making California still feel like home for me. I recently took a week long trip back to model at a swimsuit show in Huntington Beach. I turned the work trip into a social week as well, making sure to see all friends and family that I could with my 4 days free. Also in these 4 days I had to pack up my apt and get everything moved to my moms garage. One of my best friends was such a trooper in helping me rent a uhaul (yes the huge truck) and get everything cleared out. I hope she knows how much this meant to me for her to go out of her way and help me with this not so enjoyable of a task :) Being back in California felt amazing! Blue skies, ocean, and the sun shining so brightly! I had missed this. What I did find strange about my trip tho is how somewhere I called home for 26 years, strangely did not feel so much like home anymore. I felt an emptiness while there. I started to realize my home did not feel like home anymore without him there with me. Home is really where ever I am with him, just like that song. I never felt that way before about anyone and realizing this made it all the more clear that my decision to move here to Denver, for a man, was the right one for me. If i questioned it or myself before, it is all clear as crystal now.
With the change of state also came a change in career. This has been the biggest struggle for me. After 4 years spent modeling in LA im forced to now pursue other dreams as there is not so much work here for me. This is exciting and also scary. What if I fail at the other goals I have set out to achieve? What if I am unsuccessful? I cant let these thoughts bring me down and I wont, but let me tell you I find them popping into my mind every now and than and it scares me a bit. One of my favorite quotes has always been, "Life is a Journey not a Destination." Now im going to be honest, I don't think I really understood this quote so much until now. I am living out my journey and thats exactly what it is, a journey. I believe I am exactly where I am meant to be in life, and I also believe that my journey has only just begun. <3
never stop dreaming. . .
